Puffed Up? Who...me? Part 2

So, here I am, presented with a concern from my friend. I haven't told my peeps this, but in the ten minutes before I responded, I panicked! You see, I have been arrogant and proud at certain points in my life, and I have quite frankly in the past been fluent in Christianese. Christianese is an interesting language; and it is a game changer - you can turn around any uncomfortable conversation into a sermon on God's grace and mercy!

I am just like any other person - imperfect, clueless at times, imperfect, ignorant now and then, imperfect, scared and afraid many days, imperfect, insecure on many occasions, imperfect...oh, did I say imperfect? Many people believe, or want to believe that I have got it together. And on any good day that might be me, but a good day comes once in a while; on most days (especially the ones that end with letter 'y') I am just another guy, trying to get the best out of life. I laugh, I cry, I smile, I frown, I hurt others, I get hurt, I piss off people and I get pissed too - bottom line? NORMAL! Very Normal.

So, now I am in a dilemma. Do I go Christianese on someone or do I keep in line with the culture of authenticity that my peeps and I have been trying so hard to adhere to? I would have wished to tell you right now that I adhered to scripture and sought the wisdom of the Lord in the matter, but that will remain just a wish. It didn't even cross my mind that I could ask God for His input (quite honestly, it oftentimes doesn't even cross my mind that God could have had input in a matter until way later). I would have wished to tell you right now that I broke into some deep tongues to ask the Lord for strategies to get out of my dilemma, but that would be one far-fetched lie. I sat there, staring at my phone screen (now already dimmed and phone gone into lock-mode), and experienced blankness.

I was stunned. So much that another minute passed by as I tried to compose myself. And then I typed "Welcome to my worry too. I keep telling God that I should never get to that point. And believe me I work super hard to never get there. When I understood that I would have nothing that I have outside of Him, I realized where the glory should go". This is my truth; I worry almost as much as my amazing friends worry about me if not more. I worry about the possibility that I could deny God glory and assert it on myself. I worry about pursuing knowledge at the expense of my relationship with Him. I worry about being so full of myself that God no longer has room to mould me. I worry...a lot. This response was my sincere cry. Is my sincere cry.

Anti-climax...huh? If only! So, slightly over a week later I wake up abruptly. The previous night I had slept past 2am and I had planned to sleep till at least 10am. I grab my phone and look at the time. 8.01am. I am livid and incensed! God why? Then He asks "are you sure you're not puffed up?" I sober up and sleep becomes the last agenda on my mind. I sit up. Allow me to tell you in my next post why God asked me that question.