Am not sure I still believe! Part 3

A long moment passed before I opened my eyes. I opened my eyes still on earth. Confusion. I looked around half expecting to see a fiery rod descending upon me to teach me a lesson. Nothing. My mind was spinning on overdrive. What would it be? What would He do to teach me this lesson? Would He inflict on me a sickness? Or on a loved one? Would He cause the death of someone I loved? Would it be an accident? Would He withhold provision from me? Would He take away my ministry call? Would He make me stop walking from the supernatural? Still nothing. Yet I could feel Him here. And I wanted badly to know what He was up to? I needed to prepare psychologically for my impending doom and damnation.

I closed my eyes. Fear dissipated all of a sudden and an overwhelming sense of peace flooded my heart. And there He was. He was looking down at me with the sweetest smile I had seen. I stared at Him blankly. More confusion. His smile grew brighter. His gaze carried something spectacular in His eyes; something that was drawing me in into His world. It is then that I noticed His outstretched arms. Now I am even more confused than ever. What is going on? This is certainly not the scene I expected. Is he toying with me before He extinguishes me? I had seen so many cats play with mice before killing them. But why was I no longer feeling afraid? Strange.

I walked into His arms. He lifted me and placed me on His lap. I placed my head on His chest. My emotions gave way. I wept like a small child. He let me. This wasn’t what I had in mind when minutes earlier I had felt Him come into my space. I had expected Him to come in judgement, but that is not what had happened. Now as I lay on His chest, weeping like a child, I was certain that He wasn’t the mean picture I had painted earlier – He wasn’t everything I had just accused Him to be. Nothing beats the moment when you strip all dignity and let it all go in His presence. Nothing beats the embrace of Daddy God! I was captured by His love – and it was as liquid as it gets.

After what seemed like ages, I composed myself and looked up into His eyes. There was a sweetness in His gaze that I couldn’t help getting lost into. I didn’t know where to start. “Son, today you went full-mode drama on me, eh?” He said it so hilariously that I could feel the warmth and sweetness in His words. He was not angry. For the first time in what felt like ages, I smiled. I could feel myself blush. “I know walking with me is no easy fete, and we’ll hit a few bumps in the road, but I love you. Always have, always will.” More blushing. “Do you trust me?” I looked up and opened my mouth, “I trust You Pa”. There was no intimacy lost between us. “I am sorry”, I offered. I was about to go on full-blown apology mode and give the speech of the century but He held my head and placed it on His chest. I could feel His heart beat. His heart was beating for me. For this moment. His heart spoke to me. I had been forgiven before I even asked. He had stepped out into my space because He cared about me. About us. He loved me beyond my wildest imagination.

And there in His arms, I found rest. I still believed. With every fibre of my being. Nothing else mattered. I was my beloved’s, and He was mine!