She's Concerned About My Writing

So, apparently I have been writing some sad stuff the last few blogs. My fiancee has noticed and is worried. She is the constant voice of encouragement, and when you have a cheerleader as dedicated as her, you are constantly motivated to give it your best shot. When she told me about it, I laughed sheepishly and almost shrugged it off. She doesn't say something unless she has carefully thought about it, and so that "almost shrugged it off" bit didn't happen. I had to sit down and ask myself some difficult questions. Was I writing out of sadness? Was something going on internally that was causing me to manifest some negativity externally? I went introspecting. I did some digging.

The conclusion, much to my great relief, is that I am actually in a very happy space at the moment. And I have been pretty happy with myself and my life. I however also realized that when it gets towards the anniversary of my mum's passing, my entire system gets into reminiscing mode. And so for the last few weeks, reminisce I have. Albeit unconsciously.  Childhood. School life. Past life. Everything. Interesting enough, this is both a hilarious and painful moment for me. Hilarious because I was one naughty kid - and I have memories from here to Timbuktu of what it means to really be a perfectionist at naughty. Painful because I have not exactly had an easy life - so many things I have had to overcome; so any things I have had to forego. Things. People. Places. And that carries quite the baggage as far as pain is concerned.

But this is a happy post and so we won't go there. I will avoid talking about the day I almost drowned, or the one where a charcoal burner cooking chapati indoors almost caused my demise, or the one where a seventy seater bus overloaded to the capacity of over one hundred passengers was held by a shrub to stop it rolling over with me inside - ending an entire lineage (mine). Those are stories for another day. Today we enjoy life. We celebrate.

This year has been eventful for me. So eventful that I have had to take a few short breaks to slow down from all the happenings of life on occasion. Because i have someone who worries when I don't find time to take a breather. Someone who tells me to slow down and ensures that I do. And that is a good thing for me. Because i have been developing discipline in that area. Yaaay for small wins! Now one of my friends in the ministry from Cameroon doesn't reference me as the epitome of "toxic seriousness". You should have seen me proudly declare to her a few weeks ago that I am no longer that. I am better, and hopefully for a long time to come. No thanks to me though. All thanks to the one who has taken up the mandate of worrying about me. Because being worried about, is how you know to make better choices with life.